10 things I learn from LDR after 1 year

365 days seems like a long time. However one year seems to be a lot shorter yet they are the same thing. Why is that? Is it because the number 365 is big so we think it will take a long time? Today is the day that I have been in a relationship for one year. I can’t say it was a long year, or a short year because there has been times when it was both. Here are ten things that I learn from it. These are everything that I learn from my own personal experience. Every relationship is different so every experience will not be the same. This is not a place for relationship advice, this is a place of one guy sharing his story of what he went through.

Don’t listen to the bad: Let me get out of the way that the type of relationship that I am in is a long distance one. My partner and I live in different countries. In a few days I will be seeing my girlfriend for the very first time. Through the year, the two of us had people tell us every fear that we were not trying to listen to. “You know Jody is going to steal your girl.” That is always a favourite one. “Once you two live together, she is going to change and you two are going to hate one another.” This normally comes from people that tried this before. “You are getting catfished.” I dont see how this is possible when my girlfriend and I skype every day. So we see each other faces all the time. It’s hard to ignore these comments when each time someone says them. They get put in the back of your mind. There will be times when both her and I thought. (What if that is true?) This is not easy when I am in the military and leave for weeks on end and can’t contact one another. Which is the next thing I learn.

2) It’s ok to be worry: As I stated in the first one. I am in the military as an 11 bravo. So if I do get deploy, it is easy to understand why she will assume the worst. Even though training is just training. I can’t say that nothing bad ever happens at training because a lot of bad things can happen. The average death rate for an Infantry man gets push up to 70% in an instant. You are working with bullets, explosives, and if you are a light infantryman. You need to deal with whatever the environment is going to throw at you. Weather it be copperhead snakes, brown recluse spiders, centipedes, fire ants, poison ivy, or sometimes the intense heat itself in certain situations. Being a eleven bravo is not a safe or easy job to do. So when I tell my partner that I am going to be gone a few weeks. It’s ok to get nervous. It means you care. I get nervous when She goes to basketball camps for a week. I ask my girlfriend how she felt when I told her that I was going to leave, then when I did leave what was she thinking then. “Well, when you first said you were going into the box I was a bit worried about you obviously, but the longer I didn't hear from you I'll admit I got more worried. I was worried you'd overheat and get heatstroke or that you'd get hurt and I knew I wouldn't be told until long after if something did happen”

3) Video games are fun: While I enjoy skype chats and the sticker wars on facebook messenger. We needed something that is willing to keep us entertain and something that we can both do together to build our relationships stronger. With technical issues aside. We found Minecraft. I believe that Minecraft is the perfect game, if you are looking at video games, to play for a new couple.Having the freedom to build whatever you want and to do whatever you want is great for bounding. Over time we built more than a few different homes together. We built many pointless things. The bright side is if you can’t think of a gift and something special is coming up like valentine's day. You can always build a giant heart. I built my girlfriend a basketball court, dragon statute, pool, heart, and she love them all, even if it is only a videogame.

4) Talking is very important: I should had put this as number one. Every day I text my girlfriend. Most of the time, the first thing I text her in the morning is good morning. I always want to keep the conversations going for as long as possible. Ever seen the show Seinfeld? It’s a show about, nothing. Sometimes her and I will have conversations about, nothing. Yet we still talk, we still try to find something to talk about. There has been many of times where we gotten on skype and the both of us did nothing eventful at all the whole day. Yet we still manage to stay on skype for over a few hours.

5) Every relationship is different: I had the bad luck of being in more than one relationship. I’m only 20, not every relationship in high school is going to work out. With my last relationship lasting of only seven months. I became sceptical about another one. Even though I was the one to start things off. My girlfriend got the privilege of only getting into one relationship so she does not know what it feels like to be with someone for so long just so they could leave for no reason. My last girlfriend that I had, she ends up leaving because the “spark died” Ever since I got with my current one. I do everything in my power to make it not dull. To keep things alive and interesting. Another girl left me because she became jealous because I had other friends who are also females. So I tell my current one everyone that I hang out with. Every relationship that I had in the past, help me get further along with the next one. Now I don’t want a next one. I want this one to stay for a very long time.

6)  It’s really hard: Just like what I said about number five. Every relationship is different. So if my girlfriend and I fight because the dishes was not wash. In another couples eyes they might see us as if we hate one another. Most of our friends call us cute, and how they are jealous of us. The only reason why they say those words I think is because we don’t tell them the bad side of it. The whole year was not full of sunshine and rainbows. There has been fights, there has been disappointments, there has been moments of sadness and fear. In fact, dating online makes everything worst because you can't call the other person. You can’t show up to the door with a box of chocolates and roses and say that you are sorry. Everything is done through a computer screen. So a fight online is worst then one in person. Fixing those fights online is way more difficult and it helps not to get too mad at the other person, hear them out. There have been a few fights where I am glad that I did not blew up. My temper is very short and being able to control that helps a lot.

7) Waiting sucks!: Being online is not easy. As I mentioned before, in a few days we are going to see one another for the very first time. Seven and eight go hand and hand, however they are two separate hands so they get their own categories. You will see what I mean as you keep reading. While I have been in the military. I only got to go on leave twice one time is for christmas, this time its for summer. We originally were going to meet for christmas. However I end up backing out, I believe three weeks before. There were several reasons why I did. The main one is that I just left my home. It’s hard not to visit your family for christmas. At that point of time we were still a young couple. I did not want to blow it. Cathy, did not mind this. She understood the reason, while she was unimpress and a bit sad that I change my mind. In the end she understood why. (That was one fight that I was lucky to avoid.)  I known cathy for four years. I dated her for one of those years. soon we will meet for the first time. It’s not easy and the temptation kills us sometimes. However we know by not rushing it, not rushing to get married. Not rushing to have kids. This is going to help us out because our own lives are not done yet. I still need to finish the military. She still needs to go to a uni and finish that. It’s not the time for marriage. Plus we are still young. I would rather wait another ten years before marriage, knowing that it’s going to last. Then to do it now while we are new and young and will make mistakes.

8) Be friends first: There are some people that I know that will say you should date someone right away. That way you can develop your friendship and relationship at the same time. I say, trying to cut corners in life? You can’t cut corners in life. It just does not happen like that. There has been many friends that I had who I don’t talk to anymore or are real asswholes. Even though we have known each other for four years. Does not mean that we were great friends right away. We would send a message like once a month, and at one point we stop talking to each other for a while. If we would had started dating early, I honestly dont know if we would still be dating right now. Before I dated her, I knew what she likes, what she hates, and other things that would help me out in the long run.

9) Timezones sucks!: I live in Hawaii, She lives in Australia. She is twenty hours ahead of me. So she is always a day ahead of me. Being able to compromise. I stay up for her. She gets up early for me. All of these things have to be done so her and I could still talk to one another and not always miss one another. You kind of make your own timezone to be honest.

10) Relax: Remember when I said its ok to worry? There is a caveat for that. Don’t over do it. I worry if she is going to come back home safe and sound. I do not worry if she is going to be with a group of guys and she is the only girl. I trust her not to cheat, she trust me not to do the same thing. The moment one of us starts to have doubts and questions it. The whole relationship is going to fall. I sign on the dotted line saying that I want to serve my country. I want to fight for it, and die for it. If I can do that, why would I cheat on the girl I love and break the contract that she has with me? It’s best to relax and take a look at yourself. I am not a cheater, she does not have to worry about me. Why would I have to worry about her?

In the end, long distance sucks, it’s hard, and sometimes I wish I could punch a hole in this computer and be able to see her. Thats not the case and I know when we do live together. All the struggle, the hardship that we went through will be worth it.